I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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