i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
