"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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