I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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