I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
