let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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