i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
