Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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