3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
