At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
