Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
