If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
