That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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