his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
