what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
