you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I enjoy the company of your penis
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
