So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
did i just pee glitter
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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