i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
