And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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