Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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