dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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