we're blogging at a bar
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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