He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize