She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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