Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
