well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
