careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
