Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
