I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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