So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
