idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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