i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
