he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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