dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
