What a fucking waste of an outfit
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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