So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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