she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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