Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
