Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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