i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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