SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
