oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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