you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
