Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
