come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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