I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
