I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
