she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize