White coat. Heels.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
