I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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