none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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