Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
