Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
