apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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