I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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