Where is the hickey?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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