I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
