My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
