Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
