Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
