Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
