Pappa wants mamma naked
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
