I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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