TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
