I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
