then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
