the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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