If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
