I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
