please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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