tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im six kinds of drunk right now
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
