she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I am available for nakedness
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
