Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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