i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
