First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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