I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
