when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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