Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
