party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
