It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize