I haven't been this sober since birth.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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