If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize