Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
