I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
