you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
