Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
