Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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