Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
