If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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