please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
