What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
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