We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize