I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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