jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
