He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
