One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm passing your future prison.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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