There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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