You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
