Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
