We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
