Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
