oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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